


John Snow's bizarre Adventure

by Winter_Hues



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV), ジョジョの奇妙な冒険 | JoJo no Kimyou na Bouken | JoJo's Bizarre Adventure
Genre: Alternate Universe, Crack Crossover, Crack Fic, Crossover, Crossovers & Fandom Fusions, F/M, Multi, Not to be taken seriously, bizarre, not Dany friendly, whacky
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-07
Updated: 2020-07-07
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:33:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,593
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25122460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Winter_Hues/pseuds/Winter_Hues
Summary: Jonathan Snow has returned from the Wall.  The Night King has been killed.  Dionarys Targaryen has taken King's Landing.  But now the people of Westeros are worried for their safety under their new queen.  If you liked the final chapters of Stardust Crusaders, this fic is for you.
Relationships: Jon Snow/Sansa Stark
Kudos: 6





	John Snow's bizarre Adventure

**Author's Note:**

> This is a very ridiculous fic! Please do not take this seriously. This is a GOT/JoJo crossover, so if you're familiar with both, you're good. I use brackets to refer to [Stands] for clarity's sake. It takes place during the final few episodes of the GOT series, but it gets bizarre.

“Then what are you suggesting? That we kill her in cold blood?”, Jon demanded. Tyrion stared upward to meet Jon’s gaze. “Yes! I am!” Jon looked for a long time very sourly, “Good grief…I will talk to her! She is a liberator and I will tell her our concerns.” Tyrion swallowed loudly, “Do you really think she will listen to you?” Jon’s face fell but he remained silent. He turned to Arya, “Your dragon glass?” “Oh My Gods!”, Arya couldn’t contain herself, “Should I show you how to use it?” “No.”, John answered, “I don’t mean to use it.” Arya placed the blade firmly into Jon’s hand, “Keep it ready” “before I go”, Jon said, “ I wish to see Sansa.” Arya exited swiftly, with other business on her mind.

“Theon.” Arya breathed out sharply. “Fuck! Did you have to come here wearing my sister’s face?”, Theon scolded. Arya shrank into her original visage, “I couldn’t be seen meeting with you. We have to do something with Dionarys’s dragon.” “But what Arya?”, Theon questioned. “Well,” Arya sighed, “hopefully we’ll lead it away or keep it distracted. But if I’m fated to be a dragon slayer, then perhaps that.” Theon eyed her up and down looking for a response. “Tomarrow we find a dragon.” They nodded at one another solemnly, not expressing their shared sense of dread.  
“This is ridiculous!”, Sandor said to Arya, “Don’t you know well enough to not poke at a dragon!” “We must!”, Arya snapped back. The Hound would not admit how he loved to quibble with Arya. It was a mystery how he couldn’t bring himself to hate her after she had abandoned him to die, but it just wasn’t a feeling that he had. “It’s here”, Sandor whispered, placing an arm across Arya’s chest. “Do nothing until after I move.” Arya was taken aback, but she soon spotted the mountain standing next to a large barn. He had to be guarding something. Arya breathed out through tightly pressed lips, “If he’s back again….he’s some new breed of monster,” Sandor nodded purposefully, “And he’s still my piece of shit brother.” 

A small explosion burst underneath the Mountain’s feet, though he barely reacted. An arrow then landed in his neck, which he responded to even less. Finally, Sandor climbed atop his brother’s back swinging fists and knives at him. Sandor was quickly tossed onto the ground with a sickening thud but kept attacking the creature he had grown up with.

  
“Arya!” Theon whispered impatiently. “ I don’t see anything! It’s empty!” Arya, looking obviously annoyed, slunk into the barn with Theon. She looked the place up and down. “You’re shitting me! How is it not here? Where is the Fucking dragon?!?” “We’ve got to tell Jon!”, Theon gasped wide eyed. Arya nodded and they were on their way. She nearly stopped to turn back and help Clegane. “Sandor…”, she whispered as she pressed on toward John. They ran up the spiraling stairs, hoping they would not find Jon’s crisped corpse. When the door to Dionarys’s throne was in sight Arya stopped cold, feeling something was wrong. She turned just in time to see Dionarys’s Dragon appear in a flash of light, filling the narrow passage to capacity. It was [Dragon Attack] inches from Theon’s face. Poor Theon. He fought with much more vigor and strength than could be expected of a man his size. “Go Arya!”, he pleaded, “Tell Jon the dragon is coming from Dionarys!” Theon gasped out his final words as the dragon’s scaled claws pierced Theon’s body with a loud pop, “Tell J..j …run.” Theon Greyjoy was a good man.

Arya burst into Dionarys’s throneroom. “Jon! The Dragon comes from Dionarys! It’s her [Stand]! Run!” Jon was frozen for a brief moment. Then he felt an incredible resolve. “Dio, you must stop. Have mercy on the people of King’s Landing, we have to unite now.” Dionarys wheezes in a sharp breath, “wryyyy. I am the one true queen. You will not defy me, nor will anyone.” Without a moment’s passage, Jon drove his dragonglass dagger into her. The wound sizzled and smoked as she cried out. Dionarys’s dragon charged through, knocking open the walls and flinging Jon down the length of the tower. A moment later, [Dragon Attack] dropped down next to Jons pummeled body. In a blast of dragon’s fire Jon prepared for his death. But it did not come. Jon opened his eyes to witness a bright wall of fire between himself and Dionarys. To Jon’s utter shock, there was a dragon by his side also. Jon questioned what had happened to him, but the rage on Dionarys’s face told him all he needed to know. Jon had done what only a Targarean could do. He had “tamed” or manifested his dragon. Even among [Stand]s, dragons are on a level of their own. “You’ll be the queen of nothing.”, Jon taunted. 

Jon struck at Dionarys through the flames. One strike landed, then another. Jon had mostly gained an even ground against Dio, but one kick from her undead body left Jon feeling hopeless. He immediately buckled under the overwhelming force. But he rose to his feet and met her dragon’s strikes with his own once again. 

Sansa frantically wandered the streets. “[I Never]” Sansa whispered as a couple small leaves sprouted from her body, all pointed toward the tower. Sansa followed toward it becoming more frightened for John and Arya with every step. She rushed up the stairs. And it hit her like a cold chill to find where Theon had made his last stand. “Theon!!!”, She cried out mournfully before noticing how quiet the throne room was. Sansa carefully tiptoed in, finding the wreckage. She peered down to see the two dragons in fierce combat. What the Hell is Jon doing? Arya! Sansa spotted Arya in the dust from the destroyed wall. She hurried down careful to not cry out to her sister or Jon. Arya opened her eyes to see Sansa kneeling next to her. Arya dryly croaked out, “we have to help Jon.”   
Dionarys’s vision drifted to meet Sansa. And at that moment, a sick smile crossed Dio’s face. [Dragon Attack] gave her a shove, launching her in Sansa’s direction. Sansa wailed in pain as Dionarys’s cold hand gripped her arm. A thick sheet of skin slipped off of Sansa’s arm and her blood poured rapidly into Dionarys. Sansa’s pain faded as everything faded. Her last sight before total darkness was Jon atop a dragon taking flight.

  
BOOM! A pillar of fire exploded outward one of the dragons shot upward into the sky. 

Jon gasped for air, trying desperately to orient himself. He looked one way, then the other, finding nothing. “Haaaaa! Scorpion!!!!”, Jon heard screeched out from above him as the mentioned scorpion plummeted directly at him. Jon braced himself as he released a guteral cry. The dragon appeared once again in front of him, taking the force of the impact. Dionarys landed on the upward end of the scorpion, and with an ear piercing “wwrrrryyyyyyyyy!!!!!” she drove punch after punch downward, restoring momentum to the scorpion, meaning to drive it’s robust point into Jon’s tender flesh. Jon gave no ground. Under immense pressure, the scorpion began to fracture, sending shrapnel into Jon’s side and limbs. He pressed on trying not to wince. Suddenly a piercing shriek caught Jon’s attention. He immediately locked eyes on the sight of Dionerys’s throat being cut. Arya was attached firmly to Dionerys’s back, slicing her in all directions, digging out deep tracts of flesh. With this new distraction John was able toss the scorpion to the side. Dionarys tore Arya from her back whilst also tearing a couple of fingers from Arya’s hand. Arya landed with a painful thud next to a very pale and weakened Sansa. They lay there in their rapidly pooling blood. 

Dionayrs stumbled to the ground, fighting for her balance. Jon’s fury drove him forward. [Immigrant Song]! Jon’s fist and his dragon’s beastly claw struck Dionarys’s head in perfect synchronicity. CRACK! Dionarys’s skull caved as she collapsed to the ground, spraying a fountain of thick blood from her deformed stump. Jon stood there over his once queen. He watched until he saw, with some horror, Dionarys pulling in breath with a sickening hiss. “Get up!” he yelled at the monster kneeling in front of him. “I will not surrender!” with several loud pops and cracks Dionarys pulled herself to a sanding position. A moment later, the features returned to her face and showed a smug grin. Dionarys laughed with more and more apparent madness as she tore off and regrew large portions of her skin. “Dio!”, they addressed one another, “JoSnow!” Their bodies accelerated at one another. The two dragons beat and tore at each other as they let out otherworldly howls. Dionarys was lit ablaze by dragon’s breath. Wordlessly, she watched Jon from inside the flame. She turned her head as a curious animal might. Her muscle and bone peeked through her skin here and there as the flames consumed her not quite quickly enough. Jon’s heart sank as the dragon queen slowly meandered at him. “Goodbye, JoSnow!”, She called to him as she flexed the digits of her left hand to form a pointed edge. Everything in Jon pleaded with him to run away, to ride [Immigrant Song] away. But he forced his gaze to stay locked on his foe. He took in her disturbing features. He started to identify the patchwork that was Dionarys’s body. Jon saw the Joestark birthmark resembling a wolf, he saw the scars on Rob’s arms, bran's legs, even theon's cock! She was more Joestark than targaryen and more monster than that! And his beautiful sister’s blood was running through this horrible demon. Jon couldn’t leave Sansa vulnerable. He had to get her to safety and stop this reign of madness. Jon watched Dionarys lunge at him in what felt like slow motion. He did not flinch. He once again drove his Drgaon’s claws into her mangled flesh over and over. Dionarys lay there, face down. She felt the heat of a flame and cackled to herself. She would never be harmed by a dragons flame and Jon Snow was foolish to try it. But the flames didn’t become intense. This was no dragon’s flame. The Sun! Dionarys lept to her feet and disappeared in a flash, making way to turn a corner and escape into the shadows. With a sound like a clap of thunder, Jon and his dragon collided with Dionarys, stopping her in her tracks. Jon looked to his side to see Sansa scrambling across the ground to approach Dionarys. Instead of running away Sansa was approaching her. As Sansa reached out, a growth of vine expanded rapidly from her arm. Dionarys turned from Jon and found no path of escape. Sansa’s vines blocked Dionarys’s path before overwhelming her entirely. As the vines bound her tighter, beautiful Pink and red roses bloomed throughout. It was a sight that would have sickened Dionarys. But she had no time to consider the aesthetics of the situation. The sun rose on them rapidly and despite Dionarys’s desperate struggle, she was unable to free herself as she started to burn in the only way that would be lasting. Jon spoke over her bestial cries “I didn’t want it to end this way, but you really pissed me off.” Dionarys reached out, meaning to kill them. To kill anything. “You will still bend the knee!”, Dionarys pleaded as her body began to drift away as a fine ashen dust, “I’m the mother of Dragons!!!!” 

After a long moment of collecting himself, Jon limped to kneel next to Sansa, “Sansa! You’re alive!” “The north needs it’s queen”, she responded. Arya quickly joined them and to their surprise extended her arteries underneath Sansa’s skin. Sansa demanded to know what Arya was doing. “Taking care of family. We’re blood.”, Arya offered as her blood flowed into Sansa, immediately undoing much of the harm Dionarys had visited upon her.   
The sunlight had washed away more than Dionarys. The whole landscape was a little different, perhaps calling to mind a blank canvas. Even after the battle with the night king, and the battle to take King’s landing, this night had taken an additional toll on top of it all. The hound had died, lashing out at his brother until his final breath. But doing so had spelled the mountain's doom by sunlight, just as Dionarys had suffered. Theon was long thought lost, only to return trying to make up for his previous wrongs. But now there is no question that he had done so. Jon had killed a woman he had tried so hard to stay loyal to. And no one could say what consequences would follow for the Joestark children, the kingdom, or the world as a whole.  
  
One week later  
Jon was awaiting news of what the people where to do with him. A knock came on the door and Sansa entered. Thank the gods! If he had to hear bad news, She was the only one whom he could stand to hear it from. “we are expecting you.” Sansa said, “To discuss where we all will end up in this new age.” She held her gaze on him longer than perhaps she needed to then held his hand as they walked to the square. There sat leaders of all regions, members of all major families, and a hodgepodge group of soldiers who were now without cause. And so they decided a great many things. Bran would come to rule Westeros. “Bran the Broken!”, Greyworm would leave peacefully, having no reason to remain in Westeros, and Sansa would remain queen in the north. “Queen in the North!” Jon was to return to the wall for the remainder of his days. Sansa sighed heavily at the news. She knew more than ever that she could not be without Jon, but even if she could she didn’t want to. “May I request soldiers to take into the North with me?” Sansa said with an edge of cunning. Positive affirmations rumbled about as soldiers of nonextant armies lined up to either side of her. “Jon?”, she added, “could you take word to the wall that I would like to negotiate taking a handful of men from the wall on loan?” Jon glowed as he answered, “I would be happy to pass along that message.” And so, with a new sense of order in the recovering world John parted ways with Sansa and his young sister. “Be well!”, he bade them.

1 Year later

A man entered Sansa’s sleeping chamber. “ My queen! Sorry to interrupt you, but your presence is needed.” “Of course, I’ll be just a moment.”, Sansa replied. “Don’t go!”, a hoarse voice pleaded from behind her. “Jon….” Sansa sighed, “you have to go too! Now let me get dressed.” Jon reluctantly agreed as he kissed Sansa’s neck. She shivered as she buttoned herself up. “Hurry, Jon.”

Jon and Sansa remained together as long as they lived. Though there were rumors about them, none were ever mentioned to them, not that they would have cared what anyone thought. Bran was known as the wisest king of Westeros. His reign was remarkably peaceful. Arya wandered the furthest corners of the world. She saw many beautiful things and killed very few people. Robert E. O. Speedwagon died at age 89. He was a lifelong bachelor. The Joestark family remembered him, fondly. 


End file.
